Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
