He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
