I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
