i think my tv is drunk
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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