so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
