He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
