Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
