I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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