When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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