before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
