Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize