Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
