Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
