You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
