Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
