i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
