sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
