I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
