He kissed a someone with a penis
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize