My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
