I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Come on in and take your pants off
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