My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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