So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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