My Higher Power is John Stamos
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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