Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
