His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
