i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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