I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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