I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ketchup is God's man juice
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
