Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
