sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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