it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
