Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
