i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
