Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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