Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
