I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
