I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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