your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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