I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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