I wish you could order shots online.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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