i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize