the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
