theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
