I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
