so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We just shotgunned beers for America
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
