My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
