You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize