he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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