Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
