in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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