If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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