Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize