can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
