dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
