toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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