you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
