Banned from zoo.
Again?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
be right there i have to get my cape
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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