I got chris browned last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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