his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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