He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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