Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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