I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
