I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
