somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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