i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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