Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
