And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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