there's paper in my vomit.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
