Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
