just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
