We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
