playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
