I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
