She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
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