He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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