I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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