remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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