remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
