1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
