walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
