Already got asked if we're dating
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
