just come out here and I will go home with you...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
