I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
