i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
