i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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