Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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