You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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