Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
