I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
