The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
