I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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