We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
