if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
