Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
