i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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