well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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