I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
