i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So squirting runs in the family.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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