I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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