Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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