you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
