Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
