On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
