It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
