So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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