Porn is love you can see.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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