I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
