maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
